Horoscope Retractions (From The World’s Worst Horoscopist)


Scientists make new discoveries all the time, including us here in the respected, constant-discovery-making field of horoscopy. And sometimes we just straight up miss or ignore stuff we shouldn’t have. Let he who never made a mistake at his job cast the first stone, all right?

virgoVirgo – When I wrote last week that “you’re feeling fun and flirty this month,” I meant “that car that almost hit you as you crossed the street was supposed to kill you, and the universe is now hell-bent on making sure you DO die as soon as possible.” So that fun, flirty feeling was inside you the whole time!

scorpioScorpio – By “a visit from a mysterious stranger will bring the excitement you’ve been waiting for,” under a rising Neptune “excitement” is actually probably an STI. Should have avoided that stranger. Try a visit with a mysterious doctor, heh.

leoLeo – Leo, your…

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